I have crumbs down my cleavage. If you’ve ever seen me dressed you’d know what an achievement that is. Now take the padded bra out of the equation and I should get some sort of medal.
7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Yep, rather a lot sadly.
14.What makes you laugh no matter what?
35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Yep. Hot sunny, australia, london/ not my stupid current city where no one wants to talk to me :(
imagine ‘anon crushes’ in real life
someone runs up to you dressed in like a tarp with a paper bag over their head and yells SORRY I LIKE YOU A LOT before vaulting over a table and sprinting away
I am worried, no, consumed by the thought that my self harm isn’t bad enough. That I never was skinny enough. Whilst the latter may be true the former is utterly ridiculous.
I admit, whilst I will defend anyone very ferociously who has been told their self harm is pathetic I do judge people for the severity. I whole heartedly believe that anyone who, for whatever reason hurts themselves in a physical manner is worthy of help. But I will judge people who come to me with scratches. I believe their pain and their suffering but I am not a flawless human. I am to blame.
I am consumed by the idea that I am not enough. Enough for what? I don’t know. But the notion that my harm is pathetic is ridiculous, logically. I remember the day I told CAMHS I’d never cut myself because it’d hurt to much and 6 years later here I am. I have had 5 operations, I don’t consider a cut a cut until it at least hits the fat layer more so until it slices through it. I have more than 33 scars on my left HAND. As in below the wrist. There is no earthly reason why my kidneys and liver should still work considering the multitude of overdoses nor why I am not dead from sepsis when you take into account my approach to appropriate wound care is plasters, sanitary ware and sellotape.
But I am consumed by the idea that this is not enough. That people are judging me for it not being enough. And thats dangerous. I’ve already switched from one tool to another to lessen the damage but am achieving much greater depth. I also seem to have the uncanny ability to hit veins no matter how much I try to avoid them. But what if I’m not enough? Where will I go in searching for enough?